So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
