it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
