You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
