I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
