Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
