I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
