Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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