I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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