well you can't waste a boner
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
