I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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