There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
