I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
