I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
