I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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