We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
