i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
