Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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