Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
