I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
