It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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