My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
