we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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