I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
