yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
