Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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