I need help removing her.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
