Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
