The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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