party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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