My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
