I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
