did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
