also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The ass gains better be worth it
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