I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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