Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
