It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
