If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
