i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
