i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
