I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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