How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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