I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is it penis luge time yet?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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