I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
