Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize