Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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