Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
