bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
how does that bad decision feel?
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