so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
