we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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