were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
