Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
